Fa ra ra ra ra...

Christmas Decorating Log
Day 27

I can no longer use my fingers due to the lacerations and arthritis that I incurred while fluffing 47 miles of garland. The dog is buried under a 7 ft. drift of fake snow. The incredibly bright c9 bulbs on the kitchen tree have given us all sunburn, and I'm pretty sure I have glitter lung. But it's festive. So f***ing festive...

Okay, so maybe it's not that bad. It really only took four days, and I've regained full use of my hands. We've started wearing sunglasses in the kitchen, but I'm still not sure what to do about this pesky glitter lung. (It's a real thing- look it up). But who cares- it's finally done!!!!

It kind of looks like Christmas projectile vomited all over my house, but no one can accuse us of not having the holiday spirit!! Would you like to join me on a holiday tour of home? Not really? Too bad! (And yes, the pictures are crappy. Sorry, the good camera is broken.)

Welcome! Please note the festive pot

of dead mums I forgot to remove!

The foyer theme is "psychedelic Grandma 

got run over by a reindeer"

Lovely!

AAArrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!

Shitter's full...

Sam, our stupid elf that no one believes

in, yet he still showed up. 

So bright you gotta wear shades!!

No, seriously, it's blinding. And hot.

Even the bathroom wasn't spared.

We added a new tree this year, 

because two just wasn't enough. 

What's Cookin'?

Happy Thanksgiving Eve Eve!!! I currently have 2 1/2 gallons of turkey brine cooling in my fridge, and I'm preparing for my second-favorite day of the year, Cooking Day!! Thanksgiving is obviously the best day of the year, but Cooking Day runs it a close second. That's when I put on my coziest yoga pants, tie on my apron, and spend the entire day in the kitchen preparing my Thanksgiving offerings in the glow of the Thankful tree. I figured I'd share some recipes with you and give you the chance to share your favorites or offer advice on the turkey-day prep.

So festive, and filled with gratitude!!

Let's start with the bird- after all, it's called Turkey Day for a reason!!! We have a totally awesome pellet smoker that we LOVE, so we're smoking the turkey this year. My husband and I have been researching smoker recipes for a week, and the one thing they all agree on is brine. Nobody wants a dry turkey, so our 16-pounder is spending the rest of the day in this beautifully fragrant brine. http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/my-favorite-turkey-brine/ I've used it before, and it can't be beat.

We're still deciding on the best method for smoking.I definitely don't want to lose those delicious drippings, so I think we're going to keep it in a roasting pan. And my husband bought some butter injector thing, so we're apparently going to shoot up our turkey like a heroin junkie. I'm still deciding on whether or not I'm going to do an herb mixture under the skin, or let the butter do its business. And then there's the carving quandary. Carve before refrigerating? Refrigerate whole and reheat and carve the next day? I'd welcome your input.

Dressing is a no-brainer. I use my mother-in-law's recipe because it's perfection. You take two bags of Pepperidge Farm herb stuffing and basically follow the recipe on the bag, only double the butter and chicken stock. Maybe it seems like cheating to start with a bag? I don't know, all I know is that it's DELICIOUS. And sure, there are lots of great dressing recipes out there, but if you're looking for something that's foolproof, I'd highly recommend this one.

Thanks, Nana!!!

Another thing that came to me with marriage was a love of cranberry sauce. It's not like I'd never seen it before I got married, but I'd never been really inspired to try that gelatinous can-shaped log. But I was a fool!!! Luckily, my husband remedied that on our first Thanksgiving and I've been a cranberry convert ever since. While I've got no complaints about the canned variety, I like to go a little fancier for the big day. So I go back to the Pioneer Woman (that girl's got Thanksgiving down!) for sauce that's so good my children eat it with a spoon. http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/cranberry-pomegranate-sauce/

Gravy is pretty basic- turkey drippings, flour, turkey stock, salt, and pepper. Sometimes I throw in white wine and thyme if I'm feeling fancy. The key is to make LOTS of it. I know a lot of folks use the neck and the giblets, but I just can't. Boiling the neck looks like boiling a big, old, wrinkled... nevermind, I just don't.

Once all that is done, it's time to start on my very favorite part- dessert!!! This year I'm making two sinfully delicious cheesecakes. The first is a chocolate chip cheesecake with an oreo crust and a sea-salt caramel topping. The other is a pecan pie/pumpkin cheesecake hybrid. Recipes are below, but I'm warning you- they're dangerously delicious.

Oh, and you might be wondering, "where are the sides??" No worries, there will be sides aplenty. We have a big crowd, so we do potluck. I'm taking care of the turkey, gravy, dressing, cranberry sauce and desserts, and leaving the rest to everyone else. But it couldn't be Thanksgiving without the sweet potato souffle' and broccoli casserole recipes handed down from my grandmother, or a newer favorite- my mom's cranberry apple casserole.

My Dad's favorite

Divine!!!

Mimi's recipes are the best

SherBear's specialty

I hope you enjoy some of these recipes, and that you have an absolutely amazing Thanksgiving! May your turkey be juicy and your family discussions friendly!


Chocolate Chip Cheesecake

Crust:
1 sleeve of Oreos crushed to fine crumbs
3 tablespoons melted butter

combine well and press firmly in the bottom of a springform pan.

Filling:

3 blocks of softened cream cheese

1 cup of sugar

3 eggs

1 teaspoon of vanilla (Trader Joe's bourbon vanilla if you've got it)

1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Beat cream cheese and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well between each, beat in vanilla, then fold in chocolate chips. Bake at 350* for about an hour or until the edges are set. Cool to room temperature and refrigerate.

Topping: 

You can use the one in this recipe http://jessicaerinjarrell.blogspot.com/2016/01/salted-caramel-chocolate-chip-cheesecake.html or you can do what I do- use a jar of fleur de sel caramel sauce from Trader Joe's. 

Spread it over the chilled cheesecake and watch your family devour it.

Pumpkin Pecan Cheesecake

Crust:

1 1/2 cups gingersnaps crushed to fine crumbs

3 tablespoons melted butter

Combine well and press firmly into springform pan

Pecan pie layer:

3 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 cup chopped pecans, toasted

2 eggs lightly beaten

1/3cup light corn syrup

3/4 cup of flour

1/2 cup packed light brown sugar

pinch of salt

1 tablespoon bourbon

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

 

In a small saucepan, combine the butter, brown sugar, corn syrup and salt. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly, and boil for 1 minute, Remove from heat and stir in nuts, bourbon, and vanilla. Set aside to cool slightly. Whisk beaten eggs into filling until smooth. Pour over gingersnap crust.

Cheesecake layer:

3 blocks of softened cream cheese

1 1/2 cups sugar

3 eggs

1 can of pureed pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling!!)

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 

1/8 teaspoon nutmeg

1/8 teaspoon cloves

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Beat cream cheese and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each. Beat in pumpkin, spices and vanilla. Pour over pecan layer. Bake at 350* for one hour or until edges are set. Cool to room temp and refrigerate. If it cracks, no big deal. Top it with some whipped cream before serving!

Holi-Dazed and Confused

It's that time of year where you never know what holiday you'll see represented if you take a walk through your neighborhood. The majority of mine is very Thanksgiving- mums, decorative gourds, your various autumn splendor, but we've got a few errant jack-o-lanterns lurking around, and I did spy a sneaky reindeer on a front porch this morning. Such is to be expected during the holidaze.

I had Halloween packed up before noon on November first, and am currently rocking some decorative pumpkins and a pot of mostly-dead mums. It's festive.

But I realized I never posted our Halloween finery- and it was pretty awesome if I do say so myself. So let's rewind a couple of weeks to check out the spooky mantle and terrifying trick-or-treaters....

and the horrifying haunted house!!

Not so scary during the day, but at night...

I spent the day of Halloween freehanding scary silhouettes and chasing my kids down to trace them, then taping them into the windows for an awesomely creepy effect. I was pretty pleased with the overall effect, and will hopefully make it even more spooktacular next year.

My twins are always losing their heads...

Now the ghosts are gone, and I'm preparing for my favorite holiday- Thanksgiving. What could possibly be better than Thanksgiving? It has everything- food, family, decorations, multiple pies... But while I'm talking turkey, several of my nearest and dearest (you know who you are) are already dreaming of a white Christmas while rocking around the Christmas tree with their jingle bells.

Early decorators, bless their hearts. I've always considered them the scourge of humanity, and basically everything that's wrong with the world. But this year, I'm feeling slightly less hostile. Because y'all the world is feeling a little scary right now. Ever since we put an Oompa Loompa with a god complex in the highest office in the land, things feel more unstable than they have in a long time. And while this is not the place for a political rant about all the things I'd trust more than the current "leadership," (a monkey in a clever hat, Old Yeller- with the hydrophobia, egg salad that's been in my trunk for three days in August, steak from the Dollar Tree...), I think many of us will agree that the world doesn't feel very kind right now.

And nothing shows more love, humanity, and kindness than Christmas. So when I see more early decorators than ever in my facebook feed, I get it. We need a little Christmas- maybe not this very minute, but whatever works for you. Instead of rolling my eyes and huffing a sigh of disgust, I'm shrugging my shoulders and saying, "whatever. Shine on, you crazy diamond." And while my many, MANY boxes of decorations will stay packed until Black Friday, I will fully admit to a little Christmas crafting...

Maybe you can have Christmas without a glittery

village for your powder room, but I can't.

Whatever you're currently celebrating- whether you're still surrounded by Halloween candy, planning your Thanksgiving feast, or wrapping presents like a jolly little elf, I hope your Holidaze are happy!!

The Table That Nearly Destroyed My Marriage

There are lots of things I love about my house, but our cave-like living room was not one of them. It only has a couple of windows, and the overhead light provided by the ceiling fan is harsh and ugly. We looked into adding recessed lighting, but since it's a two-story house, it's difficult, and there prohibitively expensive. So for a year and a half, I made do with lamps. I had five of them in there, which you'd think would be enough- but you would be wrong. Because even with all that illumination, the area around the sofa was still a pit of darkness.

That's really the sofa's fault. We have a giant, ridiculously comfortable sectional that we named Couchzilla. We love it, but it's massive- like literally fills two entire walls- so there's no room for end tables. And my husband is very particular about lights that reflect into the tv. VERY PARTICULAR. It seriously makes him crazy, so every night around 8:00, I'd have to turn off two of my lamps, and spend the evening in a dim cave. I was usually asleep on the couch by 8:30 because it was too dark to stay awake.

I was tired of missing the second half of every tv show, so something had to be done. We had been looking for a long, skinny console table, but the problem was that it needed to be REALLY long and REALLY skinny. And anything that looked like it could even begin to work was very high-end and had four-digit price tags. Nuh uh, not happening.

On a Saturday TJ Maxx jaunt with my mom, I found a table that I thought might work. It wasn't quite long enough, and I thought it might be a touch too wide, but the price was right, so I took it home. After wedging it into place, and using my mantel lamps to stage it, I was unsure about it. It made the couch stick out awfully far from the wall. And that made the other end of the couch extend past the doorway, but I decided to live with it for a day or two.

Not bad...

Ummm, well....

Hmmmm

That night I had light, glorious light!!! It was so cozy and illuminated and I swore I was never going back. They'd have to pry that table from my cold, dead hands. Unfortunately, my husband was willing to do just that. He hated the table. He didn't mind the light, but he thought the table was the wrong size and Couchzilla looked stupid sticking so far out from the wall. I kind of agreed, but I was willing to overlook it. But he was not, and that set off an EPIC fight.There was yelling and threats of bodily harm (obviously, I was the one making those). I stomped out in a rage to go to the grocery store, and the child that tagged along asked "are you and Daddy going to get a divorce?" (We don't fight much, so he was a little traumatized...) I replied, "Of course not, silly!" But I muttered under my breath, "unless he messes with my table..."

I returned in a less-crazy state and was actually willing to listen as he showed me plans he had found online to DIY an inexpensive table. We could custom build something for less than I'd paid for the table that really didn't work in the space. I conceded that he was probably right on this one, and sent him off to Lowe's to procure supplies.

A couple of hours later, we had a table. It wasn't perfect- and there are definitely some wonky parts. I don't think the stair-banister rails we used as legs are perfectly even, and there are some gaps between the legs and sides, but It's all hidden by the couch!! A little paint, a little stain, and we were in business. Divorce averted!!

7 feet long, 6 inches wide

I found two really great lamps at TJ Maxx when I returned the table, so we were good to go. Now I have all the light I need even when I have to turn off those lamps that so rudely impair my husband's optimal tv viewing. A family in crisis has been saved by DIY!!

Success!!

Before we go, I have an exciting announcement!! Since our house isn't quite crazy enough and doesn't have quite enough dudes in it, we decided it was time for a new baby boy!

 Meet Max Power...

It's (Technically) Fall, Y'all

      The sun is high, the cicadas are singing the song of their people, and it will be almost 90 degrees this afternoon. Everything about that just screams fall, right? Okay, so despite the fact that everything about the weather screams summer, the calendar says fall, and I'm ready for it. Plus, this is the deep South- I've decorated my Christmas tree in shorts with the AC blasting. If I waited for true fall weather to decorate, it would be mid-December. And hey, I've seen at least three trees with a few golden leaves, so it's time for fall, y'all!!

     I love the gorgeous, rustic colors of autumn- the stuff that makes you want to curl up in a cable-knit sweater and drink apple cider (screw that pumpkin spice latte' garbage. I'm sorry, but it's gross.) Nevermind the fact that if you actually try to do either of those things, you'll die of heat stroke. Imagining them is fun!! So I dragged my boxes of festive fall finery out of the attic, set the air to 65* and got started!

In the past, I've spread out decor around the kitchen and living room, but I decided to minimize a bit (because 80 pounds of fake leaves are definitely minimalist) and just to the mantel and the etagere in the living room. Luckily I've been adding to my collection of crap for years, so I only had to buy this large gold frame from Goodwill. It originally held a print of some flowers, and when the lady behind me in line admired it, she seemed slightly scandalized that I planned to toss the print and just use the gaudy frame. Oh well!

Okay, the frame was almost the only thing I had to buy. There were also two sparkly pumpkins and two bottles of craft paint from Walmart, and a styrofoam pumpkin from the dollar tree. I love the Dollar Tree for basic starter decorations. This pumpkin was really ugly, but after a couple of coats of metallic copper paint, and some dark copper glitter that I already had, it's lovely!

Glitzy!

 I've been saving these old light globes for a while. I just knew I could do something with them. I coated the inside of one with the aforementioned copper paint, and the other with metallic dark gold paint, and voila'- fancy acorn-looking thingies!

Upcycled light globe and my best Bob Ross!

I traded our usual family pictures and tchotchkes on the etagere for a fall feel. At first, I had added leaves and pumpkins, but it all felt like a little much.I have several things that I love and definitely wanted to put out- the little scarecrow embroidery I did a few years ago, the tiny painting I did after watching a bunch of old Bob Ross shows, the fingerprint trees on burlap canvases that my twins did when they were tiny, but it was just a lot going on. So I nixed the leaves and scaled back the pumpkins, and let the small art pieces speak for themselves. Much better!

It's kind of silly to put all this up now- especially since I'll be taking it down in three weeks to put up Halloween, and putting it back up after the spooking is over, but it makes me happy. And I'm glad we're ready for fall- if it ever actually arrives!

This Sucks!! Part 3: Stairway to Heaven

Okay, so I said I was going to do the series of sucky project posts over the course of a week. But here we are, two weeks later, finally doing the last, most horrible project ever attempted. This one was so bad, I had to steel myself to write about it seven months after it occurred. But I'm finally ready to recount the project that almost killed us. Prepare yourself for This Sucks! Part 3: Painting a Stairway to Heaven...

Back in February, we had an unfortunate incident that shall henceforth be known as ToiletFlood 2017.  The toilet in the boys' bathroom backed up (thanks to a small toy flushed down the pipe by a previous occupant) and overflowed gallons of water which then poured down like a waterfall through our Moravian star light fixture. It covered our foyer hardwoods in a lovely layer of toilet water and caused over $7,000 worth of damage. Here was the foyer before the great flood.

We had to hire a restoration company to dry everything out with their huge, incredibly loud fans, dehumidifiers, and a maze of drying mats. It took three days- three long days of rearranging sleeping spaces, holing up in the bedroom to try to get away from the incessant jet-engine roar of the fans, and yelling to be heard. It was not fun.

 Find your fun where you can!!

Once the drying was complete, the repairs began. The bathroom tile had to be replaced, carpet had to be ripped out, and we had to replace the foyer ceiling. On one hand, we got to make a few upgrades. The boys' bathroom had carpet in the vanity area, so we were able to replace that with tile, and they got a brand-new, fancy toilet. But on the other hand, we had to tear out carpet that was less than six months old. Since the water overflowed from the bowl, it was considred a biohazard, so any wet carpet had to go. They pulled it out of the twins' room, the hallway, and the stairs.

This used to be the foyer ceiling

We were curious about what we'd find beneath the stairs- plywood, or solid stair treads. We weren't thrilled with the way the stair carpet was holding up. After only six months, it was already looking pretty matted and worn, but stair treads are expensive and look kind of difficult to replace. So the day the stair carpet came up, I was anxiously peering over the workmen's shoulders to see what we would find. Jackpot!! Solid wood treads.

I immediately shouted, "Wait!! Don't put carpet on these!! I'm going to refinish them!!!" They looked at me dubiously and asked, "Are you sure? That's a lot of work..." But I was so sure. I skipped around like a happy bunny, chortling gleefully and calling everyone to tell them about our amazing luck. The carpet guys asked one more time before they left if I was ABSOLUTELY SURE that I didn't want them to carpet the stairs?? I was sure. Well, did I want them to leave the carpet so if I changed my mind...?" Nope, take it. I had never been more sure about anything.

Then our contractor stopped by, and I told him my brilliant plan. He was also quite doubtful and concerned. He told me I didn't know what I was getting myself into, and that I should call him when I figured out how tough it was and decided to go with carpet after all. But I was not phased. I had done my research- I'd read at least three internet tutorials and I knew exactly what I was doing. Famous last words.

I started yanking out the 60,000 staples with great enthusiasm. That lasted about five minutes. Y'all, I cannot even tell you what a pain that was. Wrenching and prying out hundreds, THOUSANDS of staples until I had arthritic claw hands and my back and arms ached beyond belief. It took days to finish, and every one was abject misery. But that was just the beginning.

The stair treads are pine, which is a fairly soft wood, so they had some gouges and dings that had to be filled, along with 120,000 staple holes. Then we had to sand them. And let me tell you, that might have been the biggest, most unholy mess I have ever seen. We taped the foyer off with plastic, but it didn't matter. No matter how many times I've cleaned the walls, there's still a fine layer of sawdust lurking everywhere I couldn't reach. It was HORRIBLE, and it took HOURS.

Then it was time to paint. I had originally planned to stain the treads and paint the risers, but we realized that the bottom stairs had oak trim and pine treads, and there was no way they were going to take stain the same way. Instead of trying to fight that battle, I just decided to paint the sons of bi.... guns. I used Sherwin Williams porch paint in Peppercorn because it's made to withstand lots of foot traffic, plus I wouldn't have to put a sealant on it and worry about slippery stairs of death.

But it's awfully hard to paint stairs when that's the only way to access your children's bedrooms. So I had a system- I painted every other stair. Once those were dry, I started on the next set. I used hot pink post-it notes to show the kids which stairs were safe to step on and prayed that no one would lose their footing. This was slow-going, obviously, and I still had to paint the risers and trim- which required so much taping and so many touch-ups. All-in-all, it took about two weeks. And I still haven't taken the rail down and painted it, because I'm still suffering PTSD from the stair project. Oh well, maybe someday. We finished the landing with some leftover hardwood flooring we had in the attic, and the project from hell was finally done.

Only step on the stairs with post-its!!!!

Even though this was the WORST, MOST DIFFICULT project that we have EVER attempted, dang if it wasn't worth it. It makes our closed off, cramped staircase seem so much brighter and more open. And the stairs are holding up sooooo much better than the carpet. I think we have two scratches after seven months of heavy use. So, while I would never encourage anyone to do it, and I totally understand why the carpet guys and out contractor doubted me, I'm really glad we did it (and that I showed those guys!! Don't doubt a determined woman.)

Bruce the Moose stands sentry over the stairs