This Sucks!!! Part 2

Part 2: The Tale of the Tufted Chair

I have reupholstered plenty of things over the years. Mostly easy chair seats, but I've tackled some tougher things. Shoot, back in college, my best friend and I reupholstered an entire Goodwill couch using nothing but cheap fabric, furniture tacks and a butter knife! So I felt adequately prepared to try something a bit more challenging. Plus, I had recently watched one of those two-minute facebook videos that showed how to recover a chair with a fabric back, so obviously, I knew exactly what I was doing, right?

I found my victim on facebook marketplace. A very traditional, but very dated chair with lots of potential. Just look at that orange velvet!! If that doesn't take you back to Grandma's living room circa 1972, I don't know what would!

After I negotiated the $60 asking price down to $30, I was ready. I bought fabric, foam, a button kit, and some nailhead trim. I carefully removed the original upholstery, taking pictures throughout so I could remember exactly how to put it all back together.

Then it was time for paint. I had some white chalk paint leftover from the kitchen cabinet project, and it has such a quick drying time that I thought it would be perfect for this quick and easy project. I was a little concerned about painting the rattan sides with a brush, but it went better than I expected. I just sort of smushed it in there with a brush, smoothed it out and smoothed out drips on the other side. Three coats later, it was ready for wax. I used minwax paste wax, and my same "smush and spread" technique on the rattan, and everything looked great.

It was time to tuft. First I had to make fabric-covered buttons. I had this easy little kit so it couldn't be that hard, right? Wrong. SO WRONG. It took me at least an hour to make ten of them since the button fronts kept popping off. There was cussing. Lots of cussing.

Once I finally had the buttons done, I covered the cardboard with foam, laid the fabric over it and put a few staples in the back to hold it in place. Then I began the battle to shove the buttons through the fabric and twist the 20 gauge wire to hold it into place. There was cussing, sweating and bleeding. And then a couple of the button fronts popped off after I had them anchored in place!! I was just about ready to say, "Tuft this!" and give up, but I was in too deep.  After I'd wiped the blood off the fabric and repaired as many buttons as I could, I was one button short. Back to the fabric store, grumbling all the way.

 I hate you, stupid lower right button!!

Once the tufting was finally finished to the best of my meager ability, it was time to move on to upholstery. I'll spare you the details of how many times I had to rip out staples and start over again- mostly because I lost count. When I finally got the fabric all stapled on as straight as I could manage, I realized that I had forgotten to put in the layer of cotton batting that goes between the cardboard and the back piece of fabric. D'oh!!

Saggy, wrinkled, and no batting

(shrug)

There was no way I was going back at this point, so I forged ahead. I used nailhead trim to cover the staples and the unfinished edge of fabric. That was fairly easy, and as long as you don't look too closely at the fabric poking through, it looks okay.

See my assistant peeking under the chair?

The hard part was done, right? The seat would be easy-peasy, right? Of course not!!!! I cut the foam, I covered the seat, I put 600 staples in it, and I set it in the chair. It was too small. I had pulled the fabric too tight and compressed the foam too much, and I had about two inches of space around the entire thing. ARRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remove 600 staples, cover it AGAIN, and shove that stupid son of a.... (you get the idea) back in the chair. Still not perfect, but close e-freaking-nough. Once I screwed the seat back down, I realized there was a distinct ridge where the edge of the foam met the wood of the seat, but I just couldn't care anymore.

Ugggghhhhh, why????

It was done, and I learned that a two-minute facebook video does not make you an upholstery expert. I also understand why having something reupholstered is so dang expensive. Y'all, that junk is HARD!! But I did it- sort of. And my husband thought it looked good. In fact, he already put it to use!

It has filled its purpose as a cast-off clothing holder!

But, God as my witness, I will never try tufting again!!!!

This Sucks!! Part 1

School is back in session, and I'm back in full project mode!! Since I've been AWOL for about a month, I decided to bring it back in a big way. I'm doing a three-post series this week called This Sucks!!!! It will cover three projects that were SO MUCH HARDER than I ever anticipated. You know how that goes- you start a project all sunshiney and confident, and then, halfway through, you're crying on your kitchen floor wondering what the hell you were thinking? Yeah, those kinds of projects. So join me on my arduous journey of suckage, won't you?

Part 1: The Hooker Ruined My Life

Remember this table? Giant, sturdy dining table made by Hooker Furniture Co. that I bought off Facebook marketplace for a mere $75? Well, that damn thing took over my kitchen and my entire life for TWO FULL WEEKS. "Why?" you might ask, it's just a table... Two words, my friends, oil paint.

Children shown for scale!!

See, I wanted to paint the table white, but I had to find a way to make sure it was durable. Painting it with latex and finishing it with polycrylic was out. I used polycrylic on my previous table and it was a HUGE mistake. Polycrylic is water-based, and it breaks down over time with repeated exposure to water. Think about how often you wipe down your kitchen table. Within a couple of years, my table was permanently sticky because the protective finish had been completely broken down. And trust me, peeling yourself away from the table on a daily basis is unpleasant.

Now, oil-based polyurethane would have held up to the abuse, and if I'd been staining the table, that's what I would have used. But oil-based poly has a tendency to yellow over time, and that is not a good look on a white table. Who wants to put in all that work for something that's going to look dingy in no time flat?

That left only one option- oil-based paint. I haven't used the stuff in about a million years and this project made me remember why. It has its good points- it goes on smoothly and has beautiful coverage, and its rock-hard finish is insanely durable. But oh man, it stinks to high heaven and takes FOREVER to dry. I had to wait a full 24 hours between each coat, and it took three coats for the base and four for the top. And my house REEKED the entire time. We all had headaches, and stuffy noses, and that was with a million fans running.

Disaster zone

It also meant that no one could go near the table for days. And since the table is gigantic, it meant that half of our kitchen was completely off-limits. Eating dinner on the coffee table got old fast. But that just took a week, right? What about the other week?

The chairs. The stupid chairs killed the second week. I had four chairs that I'd bought at a junk store years ago. I had painted them, distressed them, and recovered the seats. But after several years of use, they were more than distressed, they were downright destitute. Plus, I had two chairs I'd bought at Goodwill that had to be re-glued, repainted, and reupholstered.

Time for a facelift!

The original four had to be sanded- which took about two hours per chair. Then they each required three coats of paint- with a day's drying time between every coat. The Goodwill chair had been sanded but needed its three coats as well. (the other Goodwill chair is still sitting in the garage waiting for my husband to re-glue it. Technically, this project isn't even done yet!!) I reupholstered each in a gingham oilcloth, and finally, we could eat dinner in the kitchen again!! Just in the nick of time, because school was starting, and you cannot be without the hub of your kitchen once you have three kids in school.

It's been in use for almost a month now, and it's glorious!!! All spills wipe right up, and water rings just sit, nice as you please, until I get around to wiping them up. I am using placemats to avoid scratches from dishes, but the few we've gotten clean off easily with a magic eraser (without damaging the finish). We've had meals, homework, backpacks and everything else on the table, and it looks perfect. The process totally sucked, but the end result was well worth it.

Stay tuned for the Tale of the Tufted Chair....